Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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