I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Randomize
