So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
you didnt know i had herpes?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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