Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
