Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
