My liver just broke up with me...
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
