Don't make out with my wife yet
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
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