Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
