She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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