I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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