You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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