if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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