She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
