He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Randomize
