I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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