i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
