i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
