Don't make out with my wife yet
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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