Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
