everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
