Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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