It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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