Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
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