I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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