I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Randomize
