That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
