I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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