Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
