How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
That was an excessively violent trivia night
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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