it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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