the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
