Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize