That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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