i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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