i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
what day is it and did you see me today?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
