she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
