My friends, they love my intelligence
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
