my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
