there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
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