OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
