I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize