So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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