I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
