who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
