May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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