we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
