i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
We got so high we made milksteak
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
