hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
