i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Randomize
