My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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