I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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