I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize