I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize