i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Randomize
