HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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