yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
