So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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