my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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