I threw up into my coffee this morning.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Randomize
