You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
