Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
