Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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