so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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