yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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