dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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