There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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