so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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