he thought i was a dude.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
