So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
